Tuesday, February 5, 2013


I was thinking today about my family. Everyone is in a calm before the storm. My dad went out into the garage and around the house straightening things up and putting them where they belong. He didn't even say a single word. My step grandfather has been outside doing this and that without saying a word unless he has to. My grandmother has been super sweet, too sweet. My great grandmother hasn't really bothered me about anything at all like she normally would. My grandfather has been real quiet too. He's usually asking me to do a lot more things for him, but he hasn't. He offered to do the laundry for me.

Everyone is just calm. To be honest. I want everything the way it is to stay. Except being able to open up the windows to have fresh air in the house would be the cherry of it all.

Yet, I think my family might have an idea that something might be wrong. More like my dad has an idea of what might be wrong. I am going to drop the bomb.

Although I feel that there might be something else. Something that is going to be really good. I am more excited and happy about it. With every uphill there is a down and vise versa. I think I have to go down before I can reach to see what might be so good up ahead.

I keep thinking of the worse, but the more I think of it the more I get no more ideas of how it could be worse. All I can think about is relief and hope. Happiness.

It blows my mind to think when little one comes along, it will be seen and held by its grandpa, great grandpa, great step grandpa, great grandma, and great great grandma. It certainly shocks the hell out of me. Then I get brought back to... I am real young. None the less, there will be so many generations underneath one roof. I have only met two great grandmothers and one great grandfather. Little one will have not only have four great's but one great great.

It's... Great.

A lot of generations. I was the first one in, in my generation. Now I will also be the first one to have kids too. First in. First out. TA DA! Guess no one ever thought I would be cooking!!!!

Coda isn't around. I keep having a feeling he's right there. It feels nice to have that feeling when I am up and around the house. Feels like he will be here any moment or he's just in the bathroom or something. I really don't want to leave the house because I feel that I might lose that feeling of him being around. It gives me a sense of security. Especially if I am going to have to tell my dad alone. My dad does have a temper, but I still don't know how he will take it. It's not like his baby girl has a baby every day, ya know?

I suck.

No comments:

Post a Comment