Monday, February 4, 2013

Walk Away

I took Coda to the airport early this morning and watched him walk away. He won't be back for five months because he's going into basic training. Five months. I really don't know if I would think it would go by fast or drag on. I guess I will see when the days start rolling by. When he walked away I tried my hardest not to cry. He will be back right? Of course. I feel like I am being left alone out over here.

His family knows about the baby now too. Coda decided to tell them before he left. His mom is hanging in there, but his dad is happy. I felt a little odd. I don't know how to explain it. Coda sounded a bit selfish and was avoiding whatever his mom said. She was being really serious and having a kid is a serious matter. Even his dad got into it with him about not being selfish and actually think about the baby. I keep telling people it's not going to be like a doll house where it's going to be easy. These people were thinking about having kids but they treat it as if it's such a light matter. They aren't really planning for anything for when it comes. They have no idea! I took care of my cousin and my best friends daughter. I even baby sat a lot of kids before. In all reality it is hard. Now, I am going to be a parent. I feel that Coda is really taking this lightly.

Knowing him. I know the baby is going to get him stressed out sometimes. Things will be tense for awhile. With his mom knowing though also takes a little bit off my shoulders. I don't know where to really start and she does. With her guidance will help me out a lot. Despite of what Coda says I have no reason to not respect or trust her. I have a feeling that Coda thinks it's easy because he's not the one having the baby or maybe it really hasn't kicked in that this is serious. He hasn't gotten his wake up call.

So much has been going through my mind. I don't know how my grandparents are going to take it. I don't know if I am going to be able to stay here any more. I just don't know. That's what's bothering me. I need to know. Bad or good. I have to say something to have an idea so I can really plan. Plan on if it's finally time to move with my sister or something. Insurance. Another job. Plans on school. Everything. I am use to having my summer open and have vague ideas of what I want to do. I just don't know when I want to do them. Now, I really have to put forth in planning and getting an idea of what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, and how it's going to be done. Coda isn't a good planner or good with money. I have been blessed with my father's skill of good planning and my mother's skill of making a penny scream.

I am preparing for anything to happen. I want to give the little one what it deserves and be ready. I don't have time to sit around and fumble the ball.

I gotta do it. It's driving me so darn crazy. I feel as a parent that I have to pretty much. Grow the Hell Up.

Ready to hear a crazy story?

I was in the mall with my sister and friends down south for a day. We were hanging about checking stuff out. I had to go potty. I went to the bathroom and I see this little boy trying so hard to reach to the faucet to wash the peanut butter off his hands. I looked around to see a mom, but no one else was in the bathroom except me and no one was waiting outside except my friends. I thought, "Shit. I will just help him out. Not like I am going to hurt him right?" I asked him if he needed some help. With his cute little brown eyes he says yeaaaaah. I propped him up on my knee. Helped him scrub off peanut butter off his hand and even got the dirt from underneath his nails. We were playing around with the hand dryer just to get him to laugh. Then I asked him where his mom was. (I also noticed he had a bunch of red sticky stuff around his mouth so I was wetting down a paper towel to wipe his face while he talked) He told me he didn't know where his mommy was. Little man started acting like he needed to go potty too. I helped him go potty and I pottied myself. We washed our hands again and went out of the bathroom. I had hopes that maybe his mom was just waiting outside. Nope. No one was there except my sister and friends. Little guy had no idea where his mom was or anything. She just told him to go wash his hands. After a few minutes of waiting, there were three ladies that had slutted up. Literally. SHORT skirts, really tall heels, and a really low cut shirt that went passed their belly button. You can see majority of their boobs just not nips. I would have never thought one of those girls was his mom! She goes to walk by and I asked if they seen him with his mom. The girl in the middle says, " I didn't even notice he was gone."

(My inner Demon wanted to punch the hell out of this lady)

This girl's friends just shrugged their shoulders and just said to hurry up. Like fucking really? I was probably better off calling the cops. If I didn't get her attention she would have walked by without batting an eyelash. Can you fucking believe that shit?! Damn. Mothers should be classy with respect. Show what a woman should be like and how she should be treated.

This? This is bullshit.

I just don't understand.

1 comment:

  1. Wow...that's sad. I feel so bad for that little boy. Thank goodness you were there!!