Thursday, January 24, 2013

I promise... I'm not dead!

Days... Each day that passes by, I have a feeling of pressure. With that pressure, I am:

1. Pregnant. (probably a huge factor by chance)
2. Living in a house full of (if you take offense to this then it's you're fault for getting offended) Old People
3. Job is still on my 'To Do' List.
4. I have a raging headache that. Won't. Go. AWAY!
5. In a way. I feel lonely.

I am taking on this baby! I have baby names picked out. Well, all of the important shin digs for when little one decides to see real sunshine instead of having images in my head. Although, my ex, Coda, will be going to boot camp for awhile. We are both worried about if something happens and no one is there. I try not to live by the "if" and "but." Coda does. I am a Niendorf. I am naturally a strong girl. I can take it all on full force with out blinking or breaking a sweat. It's still stress though. Mostly for Coda. I don't want him away and worried. That? Gets ME worried.

No offense to my elders, but lately I have been getting treated like shit. I do not appreciate it what so ever. My grandmother and great grandmother are two peas in a pod. No doubt about it. I never really called them a bad name in my entire life. Family is family. Through bad and good. You accept, because that's what family does right? I usually forgive and let go. No sense of holding grudges right? HAHA
My grandmother, Grandma, and great grandmother, Granny B, are some special people. They certainly love talking smack on everyone. I do mean everyone. Family is included. I have never done this before, I do feel childish, but may I use my right to vent? These two women are bitches.


I said it. I said it. Bitches.

I have so many stories to tell from since I was a child. That is all too much for me to really type. I am afraid I will bore the hell out of people. I am cutting the bullshit. They have lost respect from me after 21 years. I have never felt so shitty. I wish I could respect them just like I did before. Bite my lip, take the ass chewing (even if I am innocent), and move along with my business. Mind my P's and Q's.

Not this time though. Having these two women live in the same house is a nightmare. When I wake up, all I ever want to do is sit some where in peace. RELAX. I have some tendencies of taking my dog and I out and about. We won't come back home till about 12 at night when everyone is in bed. My step grandfather, God Bless is Soul!, he knows enough to leave me be if they haven't heard a word from me since I walked out the door for whatever reason. My father? Same way. He's my best friend really. He knows me better than anyone else I know. He can know what's wrong without even asking. Seriously, I have never noticed but if something in particular is bothering me I tend to have the luck of how my life miraculously finds ways to remind me of what's been going on. Such as, my pregnancy. No matter where I was, who I was with, or what I was doing I would have seen a baby picture, or anything relating to pregnancy.

I am so dang tired of this shit. I have a sense of feeling that it is now time to move, but I have guilt wash over me. I haven't figured out why.

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